Why is it so very hard for any one of us to be truly honest 100% of the time? People may think that they are honest, but I can guarantee you that a truly honest person is a very rare occurance.
So, you may be asking just what i am getting at here, and it is Emotional Honesty.
Everyone has emotions, and for the most part we are in control of them. We have found ways to stall our anger, to get over fear, and even to put on a happy face when inside you are crying in sadness. And all of this is done on a daily basis. Can you honestly think of a single day where you didn’t hide or suppress something that you were thinking or feeling?
Most of the time, this is all done with good intentions. We smile when we are sad, so that we don’t project our sadness onto others, or we laugh to cover up nervousness or fear. We make jokes to try and lighten a tense situation, or we give statements of courage and positivity when you just want to escape and cry.
Why is it so hard to show what we are really feeling? Is it that society has conditioned us to “appropriate” public behaviours? Or can it be that we are all simply trying to appear to be what we are not?
What do I do? When i feel inferior, I always try to appear “tough”. I try to laugh off my mistakes and make other people see that I’m easy going and that things don’t bother me.
But recently this tactic for self-preservation has not been working. I feel that I can’t show a true emotion to those people that I care most about, without being told that I’m “overreacting” or “being too emotional”. But what is so horribly wrong with being emotional? Why is it not ok for me to let others know that I am angry, or sad, or scared, or even just plain pissed off? Why do I always have to be tough because it’s what THEY want? Why do I always have to fit the mould that they have created for me in their heads?
And I am just as guilty as anyone else for creating those moulds….and one of my goals for this upcoming New Year is to break those moulds. I want to stop trying to make everyone fit into the conceptions, or rather misconceptions that I have created around them. And I hope that others can do the same, because hiding my feelings all the time (and biting my tongue!) is really starting to hurt.