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My Last Name

Published December 9, 2012 by S

I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but it does bother me!

What you ask?

When I receive mail addressed to “Sara W—-” instead of my Legal hyphenated last name.

Since I was a little girl, I always knew that I would not give up my last name, my fathers name.  I was given that name at birth, and it is as much a part of me as my blue eyes, or my own children.

It might not seem like a big deal to most people, but to me it is.  Getting married shouldn’t require you to give up a part of yourself, but should add to who you are.

And on a less philosophical level, I just think its an odd practise and don’t want to do it!  I like my last name.  It Latvia it might be as common as Smith or Jones here in Canada, but I like the way it sounds, and looks.  I like that I have to spell it out to people because although its a simple enough name, it tricks strangers into thinking it should be trickier.

Legally when I got married, I hyphenated in order to add my husbands name to my own. This was decided years before our marriage when we were naming our daughter.  I really wanted my name to be a part of her legal name on her birth certificate, but whether or not she uses it as she gets older is up to her.  There is no doubt that my husbands name is simpler, and just all around easier, but for all eternity K——will be on her birth certificate.

Mike’s only request in naming is that we all share the same last name.  To him that was important (and I totally get that) but to me it wasn’t such a big deal.  I grew up in a household where we had 3 different different last names amongst 4 people.  I shared my fathers last name, my brother has his fathers last name, and my mother goes by her maiden name.

I never thought any of this to be strange, it was simply always been the way it was.  Having different names didn’t make us less of a family, and certainly didn’t change the love we all felt for each other.

So, Mike and I went the hyphen route.  My last name went first, but only because it sounded better when said out loud. When we got married, I legally changed mine on most things to the hyphen, but for simplicity, at work and when I introduce myself, I only use my maiden name.  I like the hyphen, but its just so darn long sometimes!!

So back to the original point of my post…It drives me crazy when people refer to me as “Sara W—-“!  (except for one former co-worker that always calls me that, but I believe it to be more of a long running friendly teasing joke).

I get that strangers would assume, especially if they know my husband or see his ID with his non-hyphenated name, that my name is his name…and I let it go because its no big deal and thats what we were raised to see as “normal”, but when friends and family send mail to “Sara W” or Mr and Mrs Michael W—-“…it bugs me a bit, because THEY KNOW!!

Most people simply address things to the  “K—–W—- Family” and that is fine, especially since when I put return address on letters I simply put “KW Family” as well.

I don’t mean to make a big thing about this, but there are some die hard people that REFUSE to acknowledge that I retained my Maiden name…and those same people address letters/cards to my kids just using the “W—-” name.   It might seem that I am being overly sensitive, but Mike and I thought long and hard about our kids legal names, and I find it a bit rude to see it ignored by those that are aware of it.

If my kids decide on their own that they only want to use one or the other down the road…thats fine by me, but in the meantime please respect our choice and call them by the names that we gave them and that they call themselves.


Long time no blog…

Published October 24, 2011 by S

I hate that I haven’t sat down and written in weeks now. It’s not that I have a big-headed complex that makes me think I have thousands of disappointed readers that I’ve been letting down, but writing has become my strange little outlet, and darn it I missed it!

So what’s been going on? Well, on the surface not to much, but good times have been had. My last attempt at IVF failed, so amongst all the appointments getting ready for our next (and 3rd) attempt, I’ve just been trying to spend time with my family.

Mike started his new job and had a lot to deal with setting up a brand new store and then preparing for their 2 day Grand Opening event but we still found time to take the kids to an apple farm (pictures to be added later since I’m not writing from my own PC today) and yesterday we paid a visit to my Nana, who as always was delighted to see my offspring.

Haylee has lost another tooth which brings us to 3 teeth. The top front 2 have been stubborn with us for awhile and frustrating the heck out of her, so the other night Mike helped her out and pulled the damn thing out! Needless to say the end result is a gap in my daughters smile, and a spread of many bloody tissues left all over the kids bathroom. The toothfairy was quite generous with her money, and Haylee has now added $2.50 to her piggy bank.

Jack continues to be Jack. Potty training is turning into a very frustrating affair. Everyone has their own ideas and opinions about how we should be doing things, but the problem is that 1) He’s OUR kid, and 2) he simply does not care about whether he walks around in a wet diaper (or even wet underwear when we thought to just go cold turkey on the diapers and pull-ups).

We’ve done rewards, we’ve tried charts and bribes, but so far, not a whole lot of success.

Haylee is back at Karate and we’re hoping to see her advance again soon. She loves going, but we are still playing “catch up” with her learning her Kata’s which is something her old Sensei didn’t do with the younger groups. But this dojo runs classes daily, and Kata specific classes several times a week so with enough effort from all of us, she will be caught up in no time now!

As for me and my usual inner workings: I’ve been in a strange state of mind the last few weeks. I’m not sure if its the fact that I have been put on hormones for my IVF and then taken off them several times or maybe the fact that they add a new drug with each attempt, but my brain has travelled a gauntlet of emotions and thoughts. In all liklihood I’m still adjusting to our moving as well, although I am used to the city, I’m still quite lonely here. There are days when I simply have no energy, and others where I have to much energy but the circumstances are not quite right to accomplish some things on my list…which in this case have involved things like outdoor trips with Jack which keep getting rained out, or shopping trips that don’t happen to get him a new snowsuit because he is the crankiest bugger that day…but really there is only so much you can control with a 3 year old boy.

But needless to say I love my family and they are awesome.

So I’m not to sure what I had in mind when I started this post, and I think I’ve traveled quite far away from any resemblance of sanity and clear headed writing, but that’s pretty much a perfect example of what I’ve been like lately.

I’ve also had some insomnia which has allowed me to catch up on some ridiculous TV shows over that wonderful Netflix thing. In 5 days I watched all 4 seasons of Californication (only season 1 is there, but I obtained 2-4 else where once I discovered I liked it) and I”m just about done watching My name is Earl…I feel like I should apologize for that, but I like Jason Lee, and the show is pretty much a guaranteed  cheap laugh in every episode.

So now I leave you my friends with this thought…I’m about to go and drink 1 litre of water, change into a flimsy and ugly hospital gown and get ready to be poked and prodded internally by a man in a mask in or the hopes of conceiving a beautiful baby or 2 for some really deserving men.

In the surrogacy community we ask people to send us Baby dust or Sticky thoughts…so I’ll ask you (since your braved my post and made it this far) to do the same.
Love, Sara

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