My Family

All posts tagged My Family

Moving Forward

Published March 9, 2014 by S

Life Updates:

  • As of June 1, 2013 my husband and I separated, and are now working towards a divorce.
  • I continued on with my 2nd surrogacy journey, and delivered healthy boy/girl twins in October 2013.  You can read my story on my other blog dedicated to my experiences.


“Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside you. Most people depend on others to gain happiness, but the truth is, it always comes from within.”

“Happiness is not simply given to you, not can you expect another person to be responsible for your happiness, else you are doomed before you even begin.”

“Those we love can be supporters and help us nurture our happiness, but they cannot guarantee it. Only by looking within can we truly learn to feel and express the joy of living.”

I don’t know who wrote these quotes, but it really sums up a lesson I have had to learn over the last few years. Hopefully others that are struggling can find the truth in these words as I have.

Take control of you life, stop sitting there blaming everyone and everything around you for your situation.

Yes, bad things happen that set us back but your life cannot be handed to you. Everyone struggles, and everyone has sorrow. Everyone has trials, and everyone has disaster. You cannot live your life comparing it to others, and expect good things to start happening. You cannot live a life expecting something good to “just happen” without taking a few steps to make it so.

Despite my upbringing, I do not have a religious faith, but I do have a faith in humanity and in our ability to survive. I have faith that no matter how bad something is, somewhere there is a person who will help me, if only I have the strength to ask.

I do not turn to God to fix my life or give me strength, although I can see why some people do.  I have learned to trust in myself, and to draw strength from the love I have in my life.

I do not need romantic love to survive, and I do not need romantic love to validate my life.

I want romantic love in my life, but I can survive without it. I want romantic love in my life, but I can be happy without it.

I learned over half my lifetime ago, that simply sitting there waiting for someone to take notice and make things better for me was not going to work. I learned life doesn’t work that way, and that if I didn’t speak up, if I didn’t ask for help….no help came.

I have suffered loss through death…and I have survived. I have loved, and then been alone…and I have survived. I have struggled to grow and I have made bad choices…but I have survived. I did not always succeed, even when I tried my hardest, but I learned…and I have survived.

I do not have a perfect life, but I have the life I made for myself. I am happy and I am proud. I have the love of my family, and the promise of new love in my future.

I have endless doors open to me.

Now I just need the courage to step through…


Happy Halloween!

Published October 31, 2011 by S

Happy Halloween my friends!  I don’t have much to say, but wanted to share a few pictures.  But first…

My musical holiday tribute!

Now for my family pictures!

On Saturday my Mom came to spend the day with us.  I thought that she would enjoy helping us carve our pumpkin since she hasn’t done that in at least 15 years, or at least since I stopped needing supervision with knives.)  She also made a valuable assistant when creating my 7ft tall prop (which you will see in the pictures!

No matter how old she gets...its still ALL about the plastic bowl hat with her!

Even Grandma got in on it =)

"Gutting" the guest of honour!

Happy Jack!

Jack decided to play with Grandmas camera...Hi Daddy!

I traced and Mike Carved

Finished product...The design was Haylee's choice out of the stencil book.

Light effects

"My Spoon is to big!" ... "I am a Banana!"

Now for the actual Halloween night Costume pics!

I vant to suck your Blood!!!

Family shot as we head out for Trick or Treating

Fun times were had by all, and lots of sugary treats were obtained!

I hope the rest of you have a safe and happy Halloween!


PS – If anyone is curious about the spoon and banana thing check out the link below:

~Rejected by the Amazing Don Hertzfeld~

The Big Move

Published July 8, 2011 by S

Well, here it is July 8th and I’ve been a resident of London for 4 ½ days now.

The move was a little more stressful then I thought it would be.  Packing was a nightmare.  I honestly don’t know how we accumulate so much stuff for 4 people!  But as we went through we managed to get rid of a lot of it.  Donated a lot to Goodwill and also made some money selling some stuff on Kijiji.

I’ll admit I got teary and had a little pout session as I dismantled our crib, and again when the buyer came to pick it up.  Both of my babies slept in that crib.  They chewed the rails when they were teething, and cuddled under their baby blankets listening to their mobiles at night. They would greet us with smiles in the morning reaching up for hugs and kisses.

Yes, I’m the sentimental type.  I have to admit that part of me hoped to see another baby of my own in that crib, but we aren’t thinking about that now.

The marathon packing started on Thursday.  School was finally over and I was no longer babysitting, so I could finally start the real work without worrying about bored children in the house once all the toys were packed.

Mike took the night off from packing to take Miss Haylee to her first real concert.  They enjoyed seeing Katy Perry and I enjoyed a last evening of peace and quiet before all the stress kicked in.

Friday was a half and half day.  We spent half working on packing and the other half enjoying some quiet family time for Canada Day.

Saturday saw me driving a van load of stuff to the new house.  Mike was moving in that night and I decided to unpack whatever we had brought already for him.  I did a little grocery shopping for him as well as driving by Haylee’s new school, before heading home again. Disaster struck 30 minutes into the drive though in the form of a blown out tire. Not just a flat, but a hole in the side of the tire the size of a golf ball!

Help arrived rather quickly though in the form of a CAA driver returning to Hamilton that happened to see me on the side of the 401.  When he pulled up I was on the phone with CAA to arrange for help, so really I count myself lucky to have a zero wait time on service.  From blow out to getting back on the road took about 30 minutes.  Another 20 minutes got me to Woodstock and a Canadian Tire store about 20 minutes before the service department closed, but just enough time to deal with my tire.  I was back on the road about 6pm and headed home.

Sunday was dedicated solely to packing.  I amazed myself with how much I got done.  My Mom came to help me and later in the day Karl as well to help dismantle my Flat screen TV and it’s stand.

Monday was finally moving day.  I knew I would be stressed so asked Mike not to call me that day.  The movers were an hour late which pretty much sent my stress level up 50 points or so, but once they showed up they got right to work.

My brother in law had already come and taken my kids to the park so I didn’t have to worry about them getting trampled or witnessing the mini-scene of the Head mover trying to back out of moving my piano!  I had sent a list of furniture to be moved 2 weeks before the move date, and the Piano was the first item on the list.  He had assured me it wouldn’t be a problem.  Fast forward to moving day where he tells me as he gets there that his hydraulic tailgate is broken and they can’t do it.  I have to say I’m proud of keeping my cool, but did NOT let him off the hook.  He agreed to the job, and knowing what he had to move, he should have shown up with a truck to do the job.  And worst of all was when he started talking down to me and saying, “lets call your husband and he can explain it to you”.  Um…what?  I don’t think so!  I just looked at him and said, “My husband is at work, hence why we hired you.  The piano is my property, not his and you agreed in writing to move it.  We can leave it here, but then I will deduct the cost of hiring another mover from what I agreed to pay you.”

In the end he backed down, but still insisted I find another person to help get it in the truck.  Luckily my brother in law is a strong guy who was willing to help, and the piano made it safely onto the truck.

I could go into more detail about these “interesting” movers, but I think for the sake of my karma I need to move on for now.

So they were an hour late, showing up at 10am, and they finally pulled out of my driveway at 1pm.  They told me to expect them to be about 3-3 ½ hours, so after puttering around my house for another 20 minutes, I took off for London with the kids.  I made incredible time and arrived here about 3:20pm.  I banished the kids to the basement of the new house where all their toys were already and started unloading my van into the house.  I had all our dishes and breakables, not wanting to leave them at the tender mercy of the movers.  So I unloaded, moved the van to the street and had most of the dishes unpacked before my mother in law arrived followed soon after by the movers and then my father in law.

My mother and her new boyfriend also made the drive to help us out. My Mom doesn’t drive on highways so I was grateful to Dave (her boyfriend) for bringing her and helping out as well.  It was the first time I really got to talk to him since he is still so “new” to us, but I take it as a really great sign how well my kids took to him!  They were jumping all over him and Haylee was drawing him pictures and playing some word game with him…

Things got moved, boxes unpacked, beds assembled, pianos placed, and then we all sat down to a delicious roast beef dinner that Mike had so thoughtfully had cooking in the crock pot for us all day.

After a good meal, conversation, and loving goodbyes for our parents, we got the kids bathed and in bed before finally trying to relax a little bit.  Mike moved some more furniture around, and then we spent our first evening together in our new home.

That’s more or less the story of the move. Not to terribly interesting, but smooth enough.  Nothing was broken in transit which was lucky.

Now we just need to keep on unpacking, and get settled. I wonder how long until we are used to being a full-time family again?  I got so used to being on my own 5 days a week with the kids, so I hope I get used to being married again quickly.

So it’s official!  We are now London residents.  Now if only our internet would get hooked up…

PS: Thanks to Sabrina and her lovely girls for the visit today!  I’m eyeing one of those delicious Strawberry cupcakes you left!  We’ll have to have you back really soon.

Houses, Karate and other Random news

Published June 5, 2011 by S

Well this week we managed to find tenants to rent our house while we’re in London, as well as find a good house for us in London as well.  Things are slowly starting to come together.

In my surrogacy news, The dad’s that I’m working with finally have an Egg Donor lined up, and if all goes to plan we are looking at doing a transfer around the second week of July. I’m so happy for them that things are coming to together at long last.  And if all goes well by this time next year they will enjoying all the lovely spring weather with their new little one (or ones!).

Yesterday Haylee had her first Karate tournament.  I was so proud of my little girl!  She had amazing concentration and gave a strong effort, bringing home 2 Trophies!  A Gold for her Basic Skills, and a Bronze for Sparring.  I’ll post some pictures below, and I’m sorry they are a little blurry.

My little Karate Kid

Awesome kicks!

Gold for Basic Skills

Getting ready to Spar (aka: Fight)

Not afraid to give (or take) a punch.

Gold for Basics and Bronze for Sparring. Great job Haylee!

Life Marching On

Published May 27, 2011 by S

Well, it has been a few weeks since I updated.  Sometimes it feels like a lot has happened and other times not so much.

We are on week 3 of Mike being away from us.  He has been coming home on all his days off, but that means that 5 days of every week he is still gone.  He is quite happy with his new job, and I’ve been trying to keep things normal for the kids, while packing and looking at so many houses to live in that they are all starting to blur together.

We still don’t have a definitely place to live, but I think this week we have narrowed it down to 2 houses, so should have a decision made in the next day or so. The plan is to move as soon as possible after the end of the school year so that means anytime after June 29th.

Mike was home for Victoria day, so we took the kids bowling and then to a Fun House on Clifton Hill. It was a great family day together.

Haylee taking her first shot of the day.

Jack getting a quick lesson in granny shot bowling

Notice how I got my butt kicked?

Kids in the hall of mirrors.

Look in the mirror for Oompa Loompa Sara! lol

Jack was fascinated by his Mini-self. My adorable Munchkin!

In other news:  On Wednesday May 25th, Mike and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary.  10 years ago on that day we had our first date, and have been together ever since. We couldn’t be together on the anniversary though because he had to work that day, but as an amazing surprise Mike had an Edible Arrangement delivered to me.  It was delicious, and the perfect gift for someone that doesn’t like receiving flowers due to guilt issues when they die. (yes, I feel guilt when they die!)

My delicious Edible Arrangment

Sometime I look back at the last 10 years and am amazed at how many things have changed in my life.  I found love, started a family, moved to several homes, lost my father and grandfather and did a lot of growing up, and all of it with Mike by my side.

~I love you Mikey!~

You Gotta Do, What You Gotta Do

Published April 7, 2011 by S

well, the last few months have been a whirl wind in craziness for my family.  So many changes and more to come.

Changes with my mom, changes with my job, changes, changes, changes!

Newest change?  Mike got a promotion!

Same company but a step up.  Better hours, more money, responibility, and a step closer to where and what he wants to be in the company. But there is a catch.  The job is in London, Ontario.

So we are moving to the 519’s.  He has to start his job in the next few weeks, so what will be happening is that he will start the job, and stay with his parents in nearby Ingersoll.  Of course he will come home on his days off, but who knows when those will be.

My plan in all of this is to spend the next few weeks getting the house into showing condition.  We have settled on a budget for this, and as of today, I’m trying to get things going.  I have placed ads on Kijiji to sell some items on my Mom’s behalf (as I was asked to do) that have been living in our garage for the last month.  I placed another ad looking for help ripping out the broken pool, it’s enclosure, and our nasty deck, but then got a call from Mikes’ Aunt Wendy who has someone that can do this for me, and I’d really rather the money go to someone I know than to a stranger.

We have to replace a few closet doors, repaint the living/dining area, get new flooring for the living/dining area, of course get the pool and yard dealt with.  I also think we need to scrape and repaint the garage door since it looks pretty ratty, and we need to deal with the upstairs bathroom, and in general clean up and declutter. We also have a TON of kids stuff to sort out and get rid of since we have so much accumulated that the kids have now grown out of.  So it will be a busy few weeks for me, but I’m lucky to have many offers of help.

As you can imagine my In-laws are quite excited.  I’ve had offers of help to work in the house, emails of house listings and lots of encouragement.  They moved up there for work reasons in 2008 and I know my mother in law has had a hard time with it.  She is very family oriented and it was a minimum 1 hour of driving to get to her closest family and then 2 hours for the rest of us.  Brian and Sue have always been so involved with our kids.

Haylee cried when we told her this news yesterday.  She is a bit scared about the idea.  She will miss her friends, but she is so sociable that I’m sure she will make friends quickly in our new neighbourhood.  I plan to talk to her Sensei to see if he can recommend any dojos or Karate centres in whichever area we choose to settle in. She is so amazing and I’m sure she will adapt quicker than I will.

I don’t think this will cause any problems with my surrogacy plans.  Timing sucks because with all the delays in the surrogacy, I may be in the early weeks of pregnancy when the move finally happens.  But on the upside the travelling time won’t be much different from our new area to Toronto, than from Thorold to Toronto.  The downside will be that I’ll finally have to break down and find new doctors for everything. I really like our family doctor so that will be an adjustment.

So for now it’s just a waiting game to see how things develope, and get things done without driving myself nuts in the process.  I plan to find a babysitter for at least one evening a week just so I can go out for a bit on my own. Even if I just go to a movie on Tuesday cheap night. . . it very well might save my sanity through all of this.

Either way, things will be good in the end, but until Mike actually leaves to start working, I don’t think it will really hit me that this is my new reality. Right now it won’t effect my day to day life, but that will change when I’m here on my own with the kids.

I’m going to miss living in Niagara. I have lived in this area my whole life.  What little family I have left is all here, and most of my friends are still here. I’m usually pretty open minded, but that is when I know I have my safe zone to come back to.  Now I’ll have to create a new safe zone, and i’ve never had to do that before.  I’ve always lived here, but if this can happen now, maybe we’ll be back in a few years.  Anything can happen.

So for now, I have to do whats best for my family, and that means that I just have to suck up my insecurities, put on my brave face, and get on with things.  At least i know that i’ll have 3 months to get ready and say my goodbyes to the area. That’s something. =)

I’m also lucky that through being a surrogate I have been connected to a few online communities and developed a different set of friends.  Oddly enough many of them live in my soon to be new home, so I know that I’ll have people to help me get used to the area, and hopefully some new strong friendships will be formed.

Life on Hold?

Published April 2, 2011 by S

…not really.  I feel like I have just gotten my life back! 

Yesterday was my last day of work. Mike is now back to working full-time hours and I have the joy of being with my kids again.  Well, the joy of being with them more I should say, and I must admit that it will be very nice to see them during daytime hours when we aren’t all cranky and tired from work and school.

In other life news. . .

. . . the surrogacy that I have been working on, has been delayed until June/July.  I’m working with 2 amazing men (Yes, Men!) to help them have a family, and we had hoped to have all the medical stuff started in Feb/March.  Sadly we keep getting delayed because of the Egg Donor.  For 2 cycles she simply didn’t start her medication, with no explanation other than “she didn’t understand how time sensitive everything is”.  We were told Mid-March that she would be on board for this month, but come to find out this week that she is going on a business trip which will interfere with the required monitoring, and now we have to wait until she is home and has another period to start.

So this leaves us in a limbo state for another 2 months.  C and Y (the dads) seem to be holding up well through all of this disappointing news.  I feel terrible for them. We had everything lined up, legal work – Done, Medical testing – Done, Egg Donor – Found. . .so we all started to get our hopes up, and we let the excitement start to grow, only to find ourselves month after month being delayed.

Earlier this week, I was so angry at the situation.  There are so many people involved in this and some of them have provided conflicting information.  It just makes me very glad that I have already done this before, so I know what to expect.  I know what is right and what sounds “off”. I know what is expected of me, and I can only hope that things start coming together soon.  I’m willing to wait in order to help C and Y, no matter what comes along in the next couple of months. 

And as hard as the waiting is on me, it must be 50 times worse for C and Y.  But I know that things will work out. I’m not a religious person, but I have faith that things will start to go our way soon.

So surrogacy drama aside, my family is doing awesome.  Haylee keeps improving in her Karate lessons.  She is almost a full yellow belt now.  I can see a huge leap in the amount of her concentration, and the fact that she really enjoys Karate makes it all even better.

Jack is growing and learning more everyday.  This week Mike taught him that when you say, “Jack, guess what!” Jack now says “Chicken Butt”.  He is also losing his baby lisp and speaking much clearer than before.  He is also adding more words to his sentences and hopefully we will start the intensive potty training soon.  Up until now he hasn’t shown much interest and we haven’t wanted to push in case we went in the wrong direction. Add to that the fact we drove to Disneyworld a few weeks ago, and it just wasn’t good timing to push the potty issue. 

I’ll admit that the idea of Potty training scares me a little bit.  With Haylee she was in Daycare during potty training so she was “inspired” by the other children.  Jack of course has us around all the time, but he doesn’t seem bothered by wet diapers the way Haylee was.  *sigh* I give it a week of me being home before I start really working on it. 

I also have an appointment on Wednesday (the 6th) to see if I qualify for Lasik Eye Surgery.  I’ve been hemming and hawing over it for years, but due to the high cost never really looked into it.  I don’t even know if I’m a candidate, so I’m taking advantage of the Free Consults that they do to know once and for all if there is hope for my eyes. I had planned on waiting until after this next surrogacy before getting the consult, but since we are delayed, I find there is no time like the present!  I checked with the Fertility Clinic and they said that if I did have the procedure done, there is no waiting time after for the IVF and we can still go ahead as planned.

You all know that my eyes are ridiculous.  My prescription is so strong, and even when I pay to have the special “thinner” lenses, they are still noticably thick.  I have 2 seperate issues going on with my eyes.  I have an astigmatism AND a myopia.  Each of these is correctable, but I don’t know if they are correctable when they are together like that. But now I will know once and for all.  I don’t know if we can even afford it right now, but if I qualify, they will let me know the total cost involved and it can be something to save up and look forward to after my surrogacy. I’ve lived with glasses for 21 years, so another year really won’t make a difference.  And I don’t even expect 20/20 vision if I have it done.  But ANYTHING is better than what I have now.  I would be overjoyed if all I need is reading glasses or to wear glasses for driving…you can’t imagine the freedom I would feel!

I have so many plans for my life for this next long while, but #1 on that list is my kids.  I’m glad to be here with them and for them again. 

So, here we are.  FINALLY at the start of our new adventure!

Oh and before I forget!  I got a haircut, and colour on Thursday night.  What do you think?  To see the true colour, check the After shot of the back.  The colour on my roots is the real colour, but in every picture, the light hits it funny and brings out different tints.

Time for a change!

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